What Happens Now?

Today was spent receiving the marks of all of the exams I wrote over the past 3 weeks. Some results were great and other were quite disappointing. Nevertheless I am unofficially done with grade 11 and I'll be in Matric (grade 12) in a little over a month's time.


After evaluating some of the situations I am currently in, I am left with the question: "What happens now?" Have you ever just been in a situation where you can't really do anything to change what's happening? Or perhaps you're tired of trying to change things that just refuse to work out in your favour? Well... what does one do in that circumstance? 


I'm not sure if I should be trying harder at the moment because in past experiences, I seem to mess things up too easily and I don't want to take that risk again. I would actually like to live a happy and uncomplicated life for a little while at least. 


I feel so uncertain about everything at the moment and it's making me feel like such a failure. To make matters worse it kind of feels as though everybody thinks I'm insane. Okay well I know that I'm not the most normal person around but I don't want to think of myself as psychotic. Hopefully its all just in my head and people don't think of me as some kind of lunatic. Wow... Just listen to me going on about this. I'm getting quite frustrated here.


So if I can't make the guy I'm crazy about come back from Namibia what do I do now?
If I can't help my best friend and she can't be there for me because of things she's dealing with then what do I do now?
And if my friend/'brother' probably hates me at the moment then what do I do now?


Sigh. I guess it's all about patience for now and trusting God right? If you're not religious then I don't know how you handle your problems. Even though I sometimes forget and take God for granted, it's amazing that I have someone to talk to and someone who will listen to me. I know that may sound weird if religion isn't your thing... But it's mine so I guess I'm okay if I'm the only one who understands what I'm talking about.


I guess that what happens now is that I'll be forced to wait and pray that things will get better. Keeping my head held high and a smile on my face.


--J