In every simple motion you place before me I will myself to read you incorrectly. I intentionally warp your friendly gestures to my own desperate liking. I look too hard for a sign that you want me... and when I don't find one, I make one up.
My mind is a fragile place. My eyes are detailed note-takers. My heart is a mechanism that is so easily bruised. I am a girl who is so madly and completely in love with you.
Every time our eyes meet, I wish that you would see me the same way I see you- as something just beyond human. You are flawless to me- in light of your imperfections. Everything about you, everything that surrounds you and everything that becomes you; makes me want you that much more. It's unreal, the degree to which I would go to have you simply touch me, want me... perhaps even love me. You unknowingly hold me with your piercing gaze and your silky smooth words that travel through my every pore- soaking me in the idea of you. My heart pulls tight every time a see you as if holding back for fear of getting hurt. My lips crave to be touched by yours again and to feel that perfect kind of harmony and balance. To feel you again.
You have long left your feelings for me at my metaphorical doorstep. I still wish you hadn't found me to be obsolete. I decided to return the feelings to the sender but, as I believe, I don't have the right address. I no longer hold your gaze with the same curiosity or the slightest attraction. You have forgotten whatever beauty I first conveyed. You have lost all interest in whatever you first found interesting about the twisted girl that presented herself before you. I know all of this yet I continue to search the world for a sign to tell me that you haven't let me go. I haven't been successful in finding it yet. However, I just cannot say goodbye to all that you are to me while being so bent set on being yours.
I still wish that you were mine. Sometimes I pretend you never left. It doesn't work too well anymore since my brain convinced my heart that you would never be coming back. My heart is optimistic and wishes to see the absolute best in your actions... but all the practicality and common sense within me urges me to move on from a love story gone wrong. I still linger on the 'could have beens' and the 'what ifs'as if all the hoping in the world will make you see just how hard I've fallen for you. Perhaps then you would consider falling for me.
I cannot say goodbye to you. So I'll fabricate these lies for myself until I do. I still see those gorgeous green eyes, feel your hand move my hair out of my face. Our lips used to touch and I felt safe and vulnerable at the same time. You set me on fire and I remain so with no way of extinguishing my desire for you.
Until our lips meet again, until you feel what I feel; I will sit in my pool of white lies and empty promises. Waiting in watch at a slowly blurring horizon for a prince that will never come my way.
--J.
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