For You

If you asked me to die so that you can live- I will do it. I would do anything to see you smile, to see you laugh, to see you live. 


You are my life. You are my heart. When you're sad I die inside... Inside so that when you look at me you won't see how weak I really am. My world belongs to your thoughts, your whim, your design. You are my muse- I'm inspired by your destiny and your destination, your solitude and communication. You are all I want to know or be concerned about.


It's unhealthy. The way I've become attached to you. Ever since my distraction fell away and I needed to cling to some one again. That some one is you. I chose you. You were there. You were always there. You were in the background of my mind, guiding everything I have become. It's so twisted and psychotic of me to want you so badly to be more a part of my reality. It's terrifying. It's so unhealthy.


I wish I knew how to switch this off. This weird personality trait of mine that involves me attaching myself to the person I love the most. The internal switch that makes me so dependent on others for happiness and love. I can never be normal. I can never just be good. 


For you, I would do anything. I regret that fact everyday. Not because it's you but because for as long as I live I will always be tied down by somebody- whether it be you or someone else who comes along. I'll never be myself because I will never know who that is. I'll never be "Me" without another "Somebody".


For you, I would die. I would re-enact 'Grenade' by Bruno Mars. I would bleed with a smile on my face. I would love you with a broken heart.


For you, I will be: Beautifully Broken & Magically Marred, Wonderfully Wounded & Sensually Scarred.


--J.