Clean Break

Nobody ever

Taught me how to let go

They always just

Assumed

That I would know...

But I don't 

And I can't

Because it's hard.

It weighs heavy

On my soul

In my mind

In my heart

I'm no longer a part

Of your life any more.

You walked out

Of some imaginary

Door.

I'm still lying on the floor,

Hoping you'll come

Back.

Hoping things will get back

On track.

But they won't...

So now I need a clean break

I need to cut myself off

From the things 

And the people

Who made me feel like 

I'm a mistake.

I'm so weak

Because I spent my strength

On people

Who didn't need it.

People who didn't mean it

When they said they cared,

When they said they loved

Me.

I need a clean break

From the 'friends'

Who didn't keep in touch

From those who thought

I was getting to be

'Too much'.

I need to get away

From those who ran away

I need to stop thinking

They'll change their minds

One day.

I need a clean break

From the users

And, most importantly, from the verbal

Abusers.

The people who disguise

Themselves

As those who

'Will never hurt you'

But they're the ones

Who made me hate myself;

Beat myself

Up...

On the inside and the outside.

The ones who led me to believe

That suicide

Was a good idea.

I would've looked past 

My fear

Of dying...

Just to give up trying

To please everyone,

Just to get rid of everything,

All the pain;

To prevent it from happening again - 

To let go for good.

For a while

I thought no one would mind

If I would. 

If I said goodbye for once

And for all...

One final fall.

Turns out

There are more people who

Love me 

Than hate me,

More who cherish me

Than despise me...

More who want me 

To Live

Than those who want me

To Die.

And for them I'll make 

A clean break

For them, I'll keep on

Smiling.

For them, I'll keep on

Living,

Loving,

Laughing...

For them,

I will be all that I can be

And so much more.

For them, 

Not only will I fly...

I will soar

Because THEY 

Are my clean break -

The people who taught me

That I'm not a mistake,

The people who showed me

My love is a gift

And not merely a handout

The people who brought me

Back to God

Who I no longer doubt.

The Devil broke me,

But God remade me...

He changed me.

So I am better for 

Being broken.

Because into me, 

His Word was spoken.

And now I'm made new...

Ready to forgive you,

Ready to forgive all who 

Have hurt me

And to forget 

And to be free 

Of painful memory...

Only to remember 

Grace

And a lesson

In its place.

--J.