Everybody has been in love with someone that can never be theirs right? Or is that just me...
The most abundant kind of love is that which we have labelled "Unrequited"-simply meaning unreturned. This world has taught us to be drawn, almost addicted, to what we can't have. Pretty much every time I have fallen in love -or gotten close to it- it has been one-sided. You know how people say that if a guy and a girl are best friends that at least one of them will, at some point in their relationship, have feelings for the other. Now, I am always that person... The best friend who wants ever so badly to be so much more but knows that they never can nor will be. It's a melancholy thought, knowing that what you want is something you won't get... Unless you're living in some kind of fairytale and you get whatever you want. If so, good for you. That doesn't help the rest of the silently-loving people in this world though.
The worst thing about having feelings for your best friend is that feeling of being torn. You want to tell them how you feel because they're your best friend and you can tell them anything, right? But on the other hand, you're filled with this unbelievable fear that telling them will ruin everything between the two of you and that your friendship will never be the same again.
The sad thing about people like me (and maybe people like you?) is that we sit on the sidelines and pretend to be okay. We watch the people we love and care about the most as they fall in love with everybody but us... And when they fall out love and they're broken inside, they run back to us and because we are who we are, we heal them and hold them and make them laugh again. Then they go off and love someone else, knowing that we'll be waiting should they need us. But they don't know the feelings that are lurking inside of us and haunt us.
We're like jumping castles. We fill them with joy... So they can jump into the air, so they can feel free instead of earthbound. They get to breathe in the sweet fresh air and taste the brilliant blue sky. The air doesn't last though... Soon it will choke them and hurt them- force the tears from them... And then they must come back down. Down to where we, the Unrequited, wait ever-patiently for them. They know we're there and that we will ALWAYS catch them and never leave them to crash back down to the hard earth that is reality. The only reason they're not afraid to jump is because they have their jumping castles. If anything, be proud of the fact that you allow them to be fearless. Even if it's only for a little while.
Other relationships are usually like see-saws. While the one gets a taste of the air, the other supports them and they're constantly swopping roles. At some point on a see-saw, both parties are at an equilibrium which is where they're at the same point and distance from the ground. They experience a balance that Unrequited never really get to have. I was initially going to name this post "You Always Belonged To Someone Else" because that is truly what it feels like. We never dare to try at love because we don't want to risk jeopardising or hurting an amazing friendship. Fear runs our lives which is the same for all humans (i.e. we are sometimes compelled to do things out of fear). So naturally, we fear losing that closeness to that person. It's almost as if we become complacent and settle for just friendship if it means that we will still be close to that person even if it's not typically romantic or remotely physical beyond friendly hugs and kisses on the cheek to signify hello and goodbye. They will always belong to someone else. Unfortunately that's how love and life works. As I always say, never be ashamed to cry- it doesn't make you any weaker or less of a good person. So cry if realising that you're not going to get what you want makes you want to cry... otherwise, maybe it's time to start moving on and letting go.
Humans can't switch off emotions or choose who they fall for... It's just one of our many flaws. Perhaps the easiest thing to do for now before that moment comes when you get onto the see-saw instead of being the jumping castle is just to ask yourself a lot of questions about why you feel the way that you do. You may actually find that you like the idea of being with that person instead of the actual... because you know how great they make you feel as a person and how happy they make you. They know how to make you laugh when you feel utterly terrible, they're always there for you to talk to, they just completely get who you are. Let me let you in on a little secret... Those are all the symptoms of a best friend. Just because they're a good friend doesn't mean you're meant to be together on a romantic. If that were the case,you would both somehow feel something more... And it would be somewhat easier to say how you felt.
Don't unnecessarily risk the see-saws in your life. It's okay to be a jumping castle, as long as you're not getting hurt. You're no one's doormat.
Be patient and you'll find happiness if you look for it in the right places. Love is the closest thing we have to magic, so don't abuse it. Love is what separates us from the hell-bound.
Live, Laugh & Love... Even when it's not returned.
--J.
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