Lovesick

You've been gone for some time now. I suppose I was expected to forget all about you because we weren't anything serious. Not a day goes by when I don't think about you, love you, hate you and miss you.


When people talk about you, I want to cry. Not because it makes me sad to hear about you... but because I know I'm still falling for you. You don't say much to me nor do you show a mutual feeling of attraction for me. You're not even here yet I'm still a slave to all that you are to me.


I find myself smiling at the strangest of times when I think about the times that we kissed. I recall every word and every detail... every emotion. I suddenly come back to reality and I'm sad again at the realisation that I may never truly feel that way again. 


I miss you. The unique way you did everything. Nothing about you, to me, could be classed as ordinary. You are absolutely nothing like me. We think on completely separate wavelengths. You are logical, scientific and analytical while I, on the other hand, am emotional, creative and easily accepting. I want to be an actress and involve myself in everything surrounding performing arts. You want to be an actuary and use your intelligence to get you far in life. You're cautious with where you put your emotions while I almost immediately handed my heart and my body to you on a platter. 


People have advised against maintaining contact with you. The thing is that, although it sounds cliché, I have never felt like this about anyone before. I have never been so lovesick in my life. I have been heartbroken and hurt many a time but this different. You haven't broken my heart but rather you will it to love harder than ever before. You didn't hurt me, you made me lovesick. Lovesick to a point where all I want is for things to melt back to what they were from the moment I next see you.


I'm not in love with you just yet. I'm still not entirely sure what that would mean at my age. I know that I love you though. I honestly love you as a person. Romance could be added or removed but regardless of its position, I still love you.


And I miss you. I miss your green eyes. I miss how I couldn't look at you in the eyes for too long for fear of becoming completely spellbound. I miss being wanted by someone. I miss being enjoyed. I miss you entirely.


Come home already.





--J.