If Not, More.

If I knew that by instinct instead of choice, I would not be able to look at you... I would never let you win that argument.


I hate feeling like I'm about to cry every time I look at you. I don't even feel as though I'm allowed to. I hate that you think that I understand why you did what you did. I don't understand. I've been forced to accept it as a reality but that doesn't mean I know why you feel so strongly about removing me from your life.


I'm honestly and truly hurt. Especially by the fact that none of this was explained to me or even told to me face to face. I am clueless when it comes to your reasoning. What did I do to you? Clearly you have not isolated yourself from the rest of the world. It's just me. You've just blocked me. I don't know what I did to make you feel the need to build a wall against me.


The thing is... that this is driving me insane. I probably sound extremely selfish. But this is my blog, I suppose. Sigh. I love you okay? I don't know if you'll ever bother reading this. But I effing love you and even though you may no longer love me in return... I will never stop loving you. No matter what you do.


I told you once upon a time that you were my heart. You still are. I still love you to the same degree as I did then... If not, more.


--J.