Full-On Love

Take me by the hand

Take me by surprise.

Sneak up behind me,

Grab me by the waist - 

Just to give me a taste

Of what adoration

Feels like.

It should feel right

When you hold me tight

Like I'm all you want

And all you need.

Buy me flowers

For no reason

Just because no one

Has ever done that for me

Before.

Show me just a little bit more

Of your heart.
Tell me that I'm beautiful
Tell me that I'm magical...
Even though I'm average,
Even though you
Could do so much better.
Never let me go,
Make sure that I know
Why you chose me
Over everybody 
Else...
Even though 
It'll never make sense
To me.
Make me dance in the rain
Let's be cliche' 
And insane...
But only when you know
That I haven't
Just done my hair.
Show me that 
You care.
Even when I can be
Unbearable...
Tell me I'm unforgettable.
Whisper all the stupid things
That make me roll my eyes
Because I've been trying to pretend
That I don't want those
Warm, fuzzy feelings -
Those head-reeling,
Heart-leaping,
Too-good-to-be-true feelings.

Kiss me on the forehead

On my chin,

Then on my cheeks

North

South 

West
East.

And repeat...

Until we're dizzy

Until we're spinning - 

Until we're in love.

Because I can't wait

To know what that feels like,

To BE what that looks like.

Don't use the 'L' word -

Keep me in suspense

Make me tense

And stressed with the desire 

To please you.

Expect my best,

Accept my worst...
Quench my thirst
For a full-on love.

I Tried To Write You A Letter...

I started writing you this letter, you see. I probably shouldn't have because I don't know if it will ever truly be finished. I just have too much to say about you and to you. I started writing you a letter full of feelings and sweet nothings until I realised that we're so much more than just all of that - YOU are so much more than all of that.

I've mentioned that I love you in practically every line because there is nothing that will make me feel as though I've said it enough times. Every stroke upon each page is dark with the conviction that I have in my pure adoration and surrender to you. I tried writing a letter that would do you justice but I can't do that because nothing would ever be good enough... Just as I will never be good enough to deserve you.

I wrote you a letter and lost count of how many pages piled up beside me as I attempted to put into words what I was feeling in my heart and in my head. I feel as though there are not enough words or rather, there are no words that can capture the essence of who you are. The jumbled mess within my spirit that encompasses what I feel for you has never truly been put into words that I can confidently say reflect you. Every time I open my mouth or attempt to decipher my mind, all that comes out is "I love you."

I wrote a letter for you even though I know you'll never read all of it because you'll get bored or run out of hours in the day. I wrote you a letter so that, quite selfishly, I would feel better in having tried to somehow describe or quantify the beauty of your soul, the strength in your existence, the shivers I get at your gentle touch, the intelligence you so often try to downplay... I wrote a letter to you because I feel it's the only thing I could do that would fool me into thinking that I've begun to understand you.

It is highly probable that what I have attempted to write makes little to no sense at all. My letter to you is probably filled with mindless repetition and awful clichés perhaps from being to distracted by the thought of you to actually write anything down that would facilitate comprehension. In fact, perhaps it would be best if you didn't read my mindless ramblings and pathetic confessions.

I tried writing you a letter - or rather, I wrote you a letter but I'll never be satisfied enough with it to declare it to be complete nor worth the read. All that it has taught me is that sometimes words are not enough and the only adequacy one can find in the description of true and epic love is the moments in which that love grows. It can't be about what I say or what I write, it'll have to be in what I do. I will never be able to write you a letter that'll fully assure you of my affections for you but I can try every day to make it all the more clearer as a lifetime gently passes me by. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make you see that your love is my lifeblood and that your complete beauty is the joy that I delight in every day. It won't be in my words any more - My love for you has surpassed my mere, meagre, mortal words... My love for you dances in my eyes and beats fiercely within my chest for you make me who I am.

I love you.

--J.

P.S. Even though my words will never be enough and despite my inadequacy, I'll never cease to write of all the wonders of your existence to the best of my ability...

Epic Loves

There are always those people - those very special people... The ones we somehow never truly forget or let go of. There are those people in everybody's lives - sometimes it is just one person - that changes your life forever and influence every move you make in regards to relationships and feelings. There are always those Epic Loves.

Epic loves can be problematic... They're all-consuming. They involve emotion that defies all logic and reason. If you think you have experienced love, imagine it at its most imposing and impressive state - epic. Epic loves tend to have a somewhat dark, unhealthy, even obsessive quality about them - Romeo and Juliet committed suicide at the idea of life without the other. It is a love that ravages and envelopes the heart. It cannot be forgotten, it cannot be snuffed out... instead, it reverberates through the core of one's very being because, at one point, it was all of who we were.

You remember every minuscule and sometimes seemingly insignificant detail - they play over and over in your mind... Every decision you make from the moment you're consumed by an Epic Love is influenced by it. It changes you... not only the love part of the process but more often than not the pain part of it all. An Epic Love has the power to change all of who you are - it can build you up and make you stronger or it can crush and break you. Everything can change in just one burst of light... just as all can change when one is plunged into the night.

Needless to say, I haven't quite found my Romeo, my Chuck Bass or my Damon Salvatore... but somehow I have found ways to be epic all on my own. Even in complete loneliness, I have managed to experience what I like to call Epic Unrequited Love. I have loved unhealthily, obsessively and with a soul that is all-consumed... yet without reciprocation. When it comes to unrequited love, I am an Éponine (Les Miserables reference!)... But that's just little impatient me.

To love silently is a real skill... it takes practice. In other words, it takes many failed attempts and leaps of faith that have fallen short to know just what not to say; to know what to hide when you feel what you shouldn't.

My epic loves have changed me in many ways... having met them - having fallen in love with them is just that much harder in that it is so deeply woven into the very fabric of my being - all that I've become as a result. Epic loves are loved from the soul instead of the heart... There are few things truer.

They are the people you could never hate - no matter how much you may want to. Epic loves cannot be despised. They set and become the standards that all future loves are measured against until something of equal or greater measure comes along to consume you. Once experienced, nothing else and nothing short of epic will ever be good enough.

--J.