I Don't Want To Bring You Down

This is a song that I wrote. Initially I intended it for someone who is very important to me, practically family, and I let him down over and over and over again. In my mind I had some twisted idea that he only paid attention to me when I was sad or had some kind of issue that I needed to deal with. I looked for things in my life to screw up. I screwed up myself to make it seem like I needed him more. I don't know what about my messed up mind lead me to believe that hurting myself and the people I love would, in any  way, be beneficial. I've realised that this song actually belongs to so many other people who I've dragged down with my negativity. 


So to all those people- I am truly sorry and do know that the only reason I told you those perhaps depressing things about myself was because you were someone that I truly loved and trusted. Chances are that I still truly love and trust you.


Here it is: My meagre attempt at an apology.


I DON'T WANT TO BRING YOU DOWN


Every time I opened my mouth
I just expected your pity
Nothing but the bad came out
A sight that wasn’t pretty 


You listened with a good heart 
And the best intentions
But after I drove you away
Killed by my own conventions


I can’t believe I blamed you so now I blame myself
The last thing I wanted to do was bring you down…


I didn’t want to bring you down
I didn’t want to make you frown
I can’t believe I let you down
I don’t want to bring you down


I can’t forgive myself for what I did to you
After I told you that I loved you
Push me to the ground 
But I don’t want to bring you down


I took you for granted
Didn’t take into consideration
That I was depressing as hell
That you wanted happier conversation


Oblivious of my selfishness
Ignorant at the worst of times
And now I’m trying to apologise
With fancy words and rhymes


The sadness of the matter is that you don’t know the good in me
And I don’t know the real you coz I was just too busy bringing you down


I didn’t want to bring you down
I didn’t want to make you frown
I can’t believe I let you down
I don’t want to bring you down


I can’t forgive myself for what I did to you
After I told you that I loved you
Push me to the ground 
But I don’t want to bring you down


I just thought about myself
Took advantage of someone who cared
Turned you into someone who 
Really couldn’t care less


I thought that I was a victim
Meanwhile I’m the murderer
I broke the trust we had
Pushed you further and further
I didn’t want to bring you down


I don’t want to hurt myself
I don’t want to hate myself
Not because I love myself
But because I love you


I’m sorry for not making you laugh
I still want to make you smile
I know I broke promises
And regaining your trust is going to take a while


I don’t want to do you wrong
Tryna prove it with this song
I want you to be proud of what you see 
I want you to be happy every time you see me


And I don’t want to bring you down


__________________________________________________________


Positivity is key.


Love you all, teacups.


--J.