She was my best friend. She still is my best friend in my mind... But in hers- that's another story. Once again, I somehow missed the moment where everything changed.
She used to love me. I think she still loves me. She just loves other people more now. That's okay, I guess... Because she's happier and that's what I want for her. I remember when there was a time where she would want to be with me. Now she wants to be with everyone else. I'm okay with that. Because her life doesn't revolve around me.
She's hurting. I'm hurting. For different reasons. I can't help her and she won't let me in any more. She doesn't want to help me and I'm okay with that. I just have to close my heart for now and leave the door unlatched until she comes knocking. I'll never not want her near. I love that child so much in a way that is so strangely maternal - it's as though she's my child; my baby. I can't bear to see her hurt or sad so it kills me that I can't do anything to help her except to let her be and to let her go...
I love her enough to be okay with the fact that things aren't going to be the same. I just miss everything about her. The way she laughs and makes me laugh. The way she makes fun of serious situations to break the tension. The way she pulls a crazy face for even the most formal of photos. The way she always convinces me to give her what she wants. The way she drinks the Nesquik that I make for her. The way she is. Who she is. I miss her.
And when the air gets too thin up there where she's soaring, she'll come back down to earth, I'll be waiting there. I'm her Jumping Castle and I will wait and watch while she has the time of her life until she needs someone to lift her up again.
I Love You Lynn.
--J.
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