The House That I Built

There's a house behind that mountain - a house that I built. I broke my bones and I broke my spirit to build that house behind the mountain - to build that house for you. 


From where you stand, you can't see what I have done. You stand on your balcony over-looking the sea so you don't see the mountain - and you don't see me. Your fingers curl around the banister and your knuckles grow white as you tighten your grip. You're frustrated at the sea... for the waves don't offer stability.


The waves are like me... unstable and unpredictable. The waves can be dangerous - deadly even. I can be dangerous - deadly even. You curse at my instability. that has bled you dry You scream at the spray of the sea that intends to gently kiss your lips but instead... stings them. The billowing white curtains are tossed to and fro as the wind roars at you. You're angry now because you don't understand how you managed to see beauty in the waves, in the sea... the beauty in me.


You close the doors that had welcomed the scenery and the sun. You retreat and withdraw into yourself because you're confused and you're cold... you're scared yet you're bold... you're surrounded yet alone. The more you hide and destroy what you cannot comprehend, the more it rains. It pours from the heavens - the tears of the sky that fly down like acid and attack your world. The coastal French villa that you've barricaded yourself in... it's coming down. The rain eats away at the memories you've made and suddenly you've got nowhere to run. The grey clouds have eclipsed the sun and you're desolate. You look at the sea that rages and writhes and you finally realise. You haven't been looking at me... so now it's time that you found me. 


You desperately cling to the slippery rocks as you're forced to escape. You climb up the dreaded mountain with its razor-sharp protrusions while the earth beneath your feet turns to mud and falls away. The beach house that she built for you is beaten down upon, it's torn and finally swept away. The sand fled from beneath its beams as if to signify how poorly the foundation had been laid. You watch, your breathing staggered and your heart racing as your house built upon the sand is ripped from its roots and out of your sight.


You climb higher because the rain is relentless and swallows up the ground below. There is nowhere else to go but up. Your throat is dry and your vision is blurry in your tired eyes. The clouds begin to lighten and the sun timidly peeps through to touch the mountain top. You're getting closer to me - the real me this time... I can hear you calling out my name with every heavy step you take. I think you'll find that I'm worth it. I beg the rocks to soften so that you may find me more easily. You haven't seen me yet.


I've been waiting for a while now - in this house I built for you. It's modest and it's quaint compared to the grandeur you've had before but it'll make you feel at home for once. Its foundation is strong - steeped deeply into the stone so that it may never give in. There are no marble pillars or crystal chandeliers - only the bricks I've laid to protect you.


Finally, you tumble over the height of the mountain and the rapturous sea is out of your sight. You see the charming house below that seems to call out comfortingly to you. I'm waiting for you patiently like I always have only now you're so very close. I hear the stones and sand shift as your footsteps become louder and my heart begins to race. You stop at the door - you hesitate - and you knock so firmly that it shakes me.


I walk to the door which seems to be so infinitely far away. I'll finally see you and you'll see me. Fear builds up inside of me as I reach out to open the door - the fear that you won't be you but rather someone that I haven't been waiting an eternity for. I dread that sinking feeling that I may get when your face is not the one that I see. I won't find out unless I place my faith in the hope that my waiting is over.


You're at the door of a house on the mountain - a house that I built. My bones have healed and I've bought back my spirit since building this house on the mountain - since building this house for you.


...


There you are.


--J.