Can he swing from a web... No he can't - he is a pig.
Look out... He is a Spiderpig."
My whole heart is encompassed by God. Furthermore, it consists of family, friends, the joys of life but is dominated by one thing or rather, person. A best friend. A favourite person.
It's dangerous and frightening... loving him so much. Nothing is stopping him from just leaving like everyone eventually does. The best friend and favourite person before him left without so much as a kindly goodbye or a kiss on the cheek- she just got up and walked away... so why wouldn't he do the same thing? And yet, even though I am all too aware of the dangers I am liable to, I can't not love him or love him any less.
He very cleverly made me promise him that I would never have romantic feelings towards him and that we'd never be anything more than friends. A few months ago, I had never even considered the prospect in the least. I didn't think it would ever be problem. I didn't know how close I would get to him. I didn't think he would become all that I thought about. I didn't believe that it might be possible for me to love someone so much. Keeping true to the promise I've made to him, I've decided never to tell him if I ever do develop feelings for him. I suppose that's the only thing I will never tell him. I can't risk losing him.
He likes this girl... This amazing girl. He really likes her and she's the only person who won't see that. I suppose it makes me jealous to a certain degree... because I know that she can make him happy so effortlessly and I fail to do so all the time. Oh how he loves her... It's adorable and real. One of the things I that allow me to relate to him even more is his habit of holding on because it's exactly what I do... He's holding on. I wish she would just open her eyes and really see him. She would see past the irritating outer layer and into the heart of who he is. She would see someone that has the ability to care and love more than she understands. She knows him well enough to know the way he is but she won't let him show her the way he loves. The way he speaks about her... makes me wish someone liked me that much. I think she's underestimated just how patient he is... and how freaking amazing he is.
People say that I've trapped myself and that I'm way too comfortable around him... more so than friends should ever be. Others try to push us apart or wish we weren't as close... and that hurts me a lot. Honestly, I can't stomach the fact that people don't want me to be his friend. They don't understand just how much he means to me. Beyond the irritation and the apparent immaturity that most people see, I see more of him and he see's more of me than anyone else. People who know my emotionally-driven mind know that I'm dangerously close to him.
He knows when I'm upset even when we're just chatting via WhatsApp. He knows that I only eat the green-packet flavour of popcorn from the tuck shop. He knows that I don't like lemon-flavoured ice tea. He knows that I'll laugh for three minutes straight if he 'sings' to me over the phone. He thinks my shoulders are too bony. He knows I can't stay upset with him. He makes me laugh and he makes me happier than anyone has in a very long time. He makes fun of me all the time and enjoys abusing me(in the most unsociopathic way)... but he gives the best hugs. He knows exactly when to tell me that he loves me... And he always means it. When we're not joking around, he means what he says. He's one of the most real people I know...
He was there for me when I was so far gone I thought I would finally kill myself. I remember looking over the edge of a balcony thinking to myself "I could definitely jump right now"... I thought of only two things afterwards... God and my favourite person. When I cut myself, he was angry and disappointed but still refused to resign me to needing therapy which is where most have decided that I should be. He's seen me cry before. He knows what has hurt me and what has broken me. He knows I need him and that in moments of crisis I don't want anyone else but him. He makes me feel safe in moments of complete hostility.
He doesn't know just how much I am willing to do for him...
He doesn't realise how much I wish she loved him...
He doesn't understand how much I love him...
Flip man, I love him.
My best friend. My favourite person. My heart.
"I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am Titanium"
My titanium.
--J.
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