What I Think He Thinks

I watched her eyes light up when she saw me approaching her. I didn't know quite what it was about her... but she just wasn't good enough.

I could use her if I wanted to because she's just that type of girl - obliging and and kind-hearted. For some reason her willingness is off-putting and her kindness is somehow too condemning for me to allow my attraction to her. 

She is a good friend and listens well... She's convenient and easy. Although she has all the qualities of a perfectly decent person, she doesn't evoke desirability in the slightest. I pity her because she tries so hard and yet is never able to get what she wants... and I'm not about to give it to her.

I can see just how much she wants from me... It makes one uneasy because she seems to want so much so very quickly. It doesn't make sense for one girl to fall so quickly. One would assume that she is desperate in the way she clutches to emotion because there is no other explanation that fits her personality, is there?

She isn't fat but she isn't quite thin enough, she isn't ugly but she isn't quite pretty enough. There's just something about her that doesn't quite attract me to her. It doesn't matter how kind she is to me or how well she listens or how giving she is... It isn't enough...

She'll never be good enough... I can't help that she isn't. It's not her fault either to a certain extent but it has to be partially, doesn't it?

When she looks me in the eyes, I know her heart is jumping. When she hugs me, I know that she never really wants to let go but does so for my sake. When she says goodbye she means "don't leave me" but I don't recognise that. When she teases me she wants me to do the same but sometimes I just stop trying because it's easier to and I know she'll take it because she doesn't have any other choice. When I talk, I know she'll always be available to listen. I will only ever love her as a friend because that's all she could ever be worth...

--J.