As Long As You're Happy

I never think about you any more... unless I'm breathing. Thankfully I never see you so it's not as hard knowing that you're happy without me when it's not thrown in my face all the time. I wonder how things would be if you were near me though. Would you have ever moved on from being my friend? Would things have changed? Would they have changed in the same way? Would you still love me?

I can torture myself for an eternity with questions like those... but I won't. I'd rather focus on what still makes me love you instead of what could possibly cause me to resent you. My memory of you is a pure and happy one. I want it to remain that way... Because even though you're no longer a part of my life, I don't think I could ever stop loving you.

I'm quite proud of myself for being at such peace in your regard even though I know that you have pretty much removed me completely from your world and from your mind and heart. I'm slightly disorientated by the fact that I haven't made it my obsession to win you back - to convince you that being my friend will still be a worthy enterprise. I haven't let you go in the sense that I still think of you and love you and wish things were different... but I've somewhat given up. It's as though I've settled. (Fitting that I'm currently listening to The Sound of Settling by Death Cab for Cutie - hence my apt word choice)

I just want you to be happy. I want you to be the happiest you could ever possibly be... and if by me being a part of life, I am hindering your ability or capacity to be fully and truly happy then I will gladly step aside. What is it about you that makes me seem so grown up? I'm not quite as mature in other situations or with other people... Do I love you that much that I not only have the desire to be selfless but also the ability to do so?

[Breakeven - The Script]

I always swore that I would never be able be without you as my friend... ever. I thought that if I ever did have to go through that, I wouldn't make it out alive or sane. I thought it would kill me. Yet... here I am, loving you to the same degree and as strong as I could ever be. I could never have guessed that I would be so content in your happiness and your experiencing of life at its finest - without me. I can't understand how losing you has made me so much stronger... and how it has made me happy for you. I thought losing you would be losing all of me - all of my heart. 

[All Is Love - Karen O & The Kids]

I think of you always... I will never stop loving you and God knows that I miss you incredibly. As long you're happy - I'll be content simply in knowing that I was once a part of your life and that once a upon a time you appreciated and wanted my friendship. I am honoured and blessed in knowing you - I am divinely favoured in having been able to be close to you... however brief that time may have been. I love you.

[You Make Me Smile - Kyle Andrews]

--J.