Electric Blue

I looked down at my quivering fingers and inhaled sharply as pained sobs racked my chest. The electric blue nail polish blurred beneath the tears that were welling up in my eyes. 

It takes a lot to finally come to terms with the fact that you are messed up. Sitting alone in a park, crying as though no one would ever have seen me... Reaching into my bag nervously for a cigarette that I had never intended to smoke.

I remember few things... I remember being somewhat dizzy and randomly sobbing and clutching my head occasionally between drags as I drifted from the swings to a bench and then to the foot of the brightly painted slide. I remember taking in the sheer feeling of futility and how raw I felt in those moments as the gentle jets of light grey drifted out of my mouth and nose. I felt stupid and alone... I felt empty and cold despite the slight warmth bubbling in my chest.

The smell of smoke lingering around you as though it meant to echo how I was feeling on the inside - trapped.


--J.