Drink Up

Still the same old thoughts lingering around in my head. I was naive enough to think that writing about it on a blog would serve as a good enough escape for my feelings. Even when I've poured out my complaints and concerns onto a computer screen, after pressing "Publish" for 23 posts and after many a pointless "Customise" efforts, I have failed to find closure. 


I've said what I have needed to say yet, why then, do I feel as though I haven't actually said anything. I guess it was stupid of me to think that a blog would magically solve all of my problems. I thought that somehow I would be doing my friends a favour by just unloading myself emotionally to a world of cyber strangers instead of on them. To be completely honest, I don't think that worked very well. I still speak to my friends about my problems, among other things, and the fact that I now share my 'negativity' with the whole world which is even worse to a degree. I also run the risk of sounding pretty psychotic to whoever stumbles upon my blog. 


I don't want to be negative and honestly I don't think I am a negative person. Obviously I'm prey to negative situations but I'm not negative by nature.


Aaahh. Do you see? There I go again as if I have something to prove. Seriously, I think I have some sort of chemical imbalance in my brain. If so, that would explain so much. But alas I don't... Or I haven't been tested for one at least. (I don't think my mother would even go there- she doesn't want to believe that I'm anything but the 'normal child'- if there is such a thing)


So... I will continue to blog purely now in the hopes that someone might laugh at my petty dilemmas or find encouragement for a similar situation. Because I know quite well now that it doesn't matter how long a run my fingers down to the bone while typing my latest sob story... I will never find my closure. At least not this way. Time will only tell the proper way in which I could do that.


Until then, drink up. We have a whole lot more tea to get through.





--J